Season 5 / Episode 2 ; Episode: ""LGB
TEASE""
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Episode
Summary
#502: "LOOK OUT, HERE THEY COME!"
Kace's Episode Review Of Mass Destruction
I deem thee, "Jenzilla!"
Previously on The L Word, stuff happened and Wax was written out of the
storyline. Wow, Chase must be pissed.
Showtime Presents...anarchy, fantasty style!
Aaron wants more lesbian sex. Wow, he must post at the boards, too. Aaron
wants Jenny & Tina to have Bette and Shane's reprensentations have
an
affair and thus we have an image of them making out. Then we get an image
of Tina and Shane for the 3 or 4 Shina 'shippers in existence. Bette &
Helena is then teased in the fantasy ideas and...oh my. That alone may
convert me into a Belena fan.
While the opening credits roll, I feel partially responsible for that
Bette/Helena moment. Before I interviewed Rachel Shelley in December 2006,
she had never really heard of it. Next thing ya know, she's having to
answer a question about the idea and now here we are with Season 5 and
a
shoutout to the Belenars. You're welcome!!!
Shane arrives at a wedding, minus the snow and Carmen. She's just here
to
do hair, keeping consistent with her schtick while dealing with Veronica.
Some gal named Madison's getting married and they need a hairstylist.
Shane
checks out the mother's, "place." Shane meets Madison, the bride,
then
Abigail,the sister and Gina...some girl. Innuendo abounds here.
Meanwhile at the Planet, Kit and Max hang out, 'cause they have nothing
better to do while Tina has a date with Denise, who looks like a cross
between Lara and Brooke. Tina bores Denise with useless details about
Bette and little Angelica. We're also provided with more detailed
background on Marcus Allenwood, thus giving him more background than Tina.
Back to Shane's conquest in progress as Madison is getting married to
make
her Dad happy. By the way, Shane's here 'cause this is Tina's boss's Dad's
daughter's wedding and Jenny referred her. Got all that? Good. More
innuendo abounds. I keep expecting Shane to start singing, "Back
In The
Saddle."
Bette arrives to interrupt Tina's attempt at a date. So what's the lesbian
version of cockblocking? Not that Tina's doing all that well to begin
with, but Denise is rather...what's that word? Hot...yeah, hot. Y'know
if
Papi were here, she woulda swooped in, the moment the date ended. Denise
ends her brief history on the show by letting Tina know she needs to work
out some things and departing.
Helena's still in prison and now she's checking out her cellmate (Dana's
Season 2 trainer) while she does pushups.
Back at the Planet, as Tom (remember him?) waits for the bathroom door
to
open. Ah yes, the famous Planet bathroom. Max and Tom are happy as the
door to the bathroom is finally open...and Tom's checkin' out Max.
Bette, Jodi, Tina and Alice are...wait...
*pause*
Okay...right here we have Bette seated beside her girlfriend, Jodi...and
across from Bette are her two exes, Alice and Tina. Let's let that sink
in
for a moment.
Yes...
Mmm hmm...
Okay.
*unpause*
They talk about Denise who's on her way to Long Gone. Tasha's not on
her
way to Iraq. Tom talks about Max, "the cutest guy." They talk
about Paige
possibly burning down Wax...and I suspect otherwise. In fact, I made a
pretty good argument at the L-Word message board that it was probably
Kit
who burned it down.
Shane has sex with Abigail.
Tasha's workplace, the ol' Army base, where Tasha meets Beech, who appears
to be trying to emulate John Travolta. Tasha seeks council as she's being
investigated and Beech is the guy to talk to. Tasha feels she's being
investigated for homosexual conduct and Beech doesn't appear interested.
Beech has a nice little country accent to him, which is sad as he comes
off
as a prick, which is very unSouthern.
Back at the Planet where Max is pointed out by Alice, Jodi and Bette
as a
TransMan. Tom had no idea. But hey, if you're attracted, you're attracted
so give it a chance, yo. They all depart and Kit and Max talk for a few
more seconds as they notice a girl in glasses reading The Sum Of Her Parts.
Kit admits that her pie slices are a bit much. I blame Benjamin Bradshaw.
Kit offers the girl a free slice, since the girl's been there for three
days straight. Kit drags the girl over to Max, who is Jennifer Schecter's
roommate. The girl's a big Schecter fan.
Shane finishes doing the groom's hair and wishes him good luck. Well,
she's much better than her father at that, I'll give her that much. And
then Gina needs Shane's help. Uh huh.
The Planet again as Jenzilla arrives, fresh from destroying Tokyo and
is
introduced to Adele...that girl who's a big fan. Jenzilla's a bit
apprehensive and disinterested at first. By the way, Grace appears to
be
in the Land of the Dead Marios and no one's noticed...myself included
up
until now.
Shane has sex with Gina.
Joyce arrives at Phyllis's office with a big thing of flowers. Phyllis
tries to break up with Joyce. Hilarity ensues. Joyce isn't okay with
Phyllis seeing other people, ESPECIALLY Camilla (from the party last
episode). Joyce accuses Phyllis of being rash. Granted, this is odd
considering Joyce's attempted escapade with Tina back in Season 2.
Back to the Planet as we get background on Adele, thus giving her more
background than Tina. Jenzilla begins to slowly warm up to her would-be
minion, while contemplating which city shall feel her fire breathing wrath
next. The Sum Of Her Parts saved Adele's life, thus showing that suicide
is indeed an honorable thing. Jenny's late for the wedding and doesn't
have a gift. Adele offers to help Jenny and Jenny has her go to Sonoma
to
pick up the wedding gift. Jenny exits the Planet with Adele following.
Sonoma beware!!! Max celebrates her independ....oh good God...next scene...
Well, yall wanted naked women. Well here you go, foolish mortals!!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Helena drops the soap and we get ourselves a great
moment in prison girl filming. Jackie,one of the other naked prison gals
has a knife and wants Helena to click up (explanation coming later).
Helena's scared, but then Dana's Season 2 Trainer arrives to the rescue.
Helena's left alone and I imagine some of the water streaming isn't all
just from the showers.
Alice's place, as she and Tasha discuss the ditwad that is Beech. Beech
is
such a, "Southern boy." Hold...
*pause*
Not that there's anything wrong with being a Southern Boy, mind you.
And
having been up North, I can assure you, the level of bigotry up yonder's
pretty intense. Here in the South, it's just more honest. Whoever wrote
that line either did so out of ignorance or perhaps a really bad experience
that would probably be the exception, not the rule.
Then again, I'm biased.
*unpause*
Alice offers to help Tasha find a civilian attorney. Well, Alice does
know
one! Tasha wants to stay in the military and the closet. Heavy lil'
storyline here and Alice makes good points while trying to be supportive
of
her girlfriend.
Onto the wedding. A straight wedding, which in The L Word means it WILL
happen!!! Only gay weddings get sabotaged here. Jenzilla arrives for the
Here Comes The Bride portion in what appears to be a black parachute.
She
also fails to note Tina's sarcasm. The bride is absent.
Sooo...onto the bride, Madison crying and having cold feet. Shane talks
with her in an effort to help. Madison kinda favors Carmen (and a little
like Dana, too come to think of it). Shane in her kinda sleuthian way
assures Madison that she's got a good man and that he's worth the trouble
of getting married for. Shane could have Madison right now and Madison
does try to steal a kiss, but Shane, showing that she still has some
humanity about her, keeps Madison from screwing herself up. Well, good
for
her. Madison reminds Shane of someone she used to know. Many say Carmen
and some even consider Dana. Me? I'm thinking Madison reminds Shane
of...Shane, based on the advice Shane gives Madison on not running away
from the relationship.
Kit arrives at the prison, strutting in all her Foxxy Brown glory. Oh
wow,
it's Foxxy Porter!!! Strut it, girlfriend. Anyway, Kit talks with Helena
and explains that, "click up," means, "join a gang."
Helena gives us the
name of her cellmate, which is Dusty. I wonder if she delivers a mean
elbowdrop.
Some nameless restaurant, as Alice/Tasha have dinner with Bette/Jodi.
Meanwhile, also in the restaurant, Phyllis goes for breakup attempt #2
with
Joyce. Jodi notices. Joyce puts herself over to Phyllis as being great
in
bed. Well, we can always get Tina's opinion.
Wedding reception now as Shane considers the position she's in of Abigail
and Gina both wanting her. Tina is oblivious to all that's happening.
But
that's Tina, I suppose. And really how would she know? They run into
Jenzilla, fresh from breathing fire into the face of the non-believers
and
Shane is informed of being named the new hairstylist at the studio. Adele
The Faithful Minion arrives with the wedding gift and doesn't even blink
an
eye at Shane! Holy crap, she's not human!!! Tina leaves to talk to her
boss and Gina arrives to dance with Shane. Gina's ex, Rex is there and
Gina wants Rex to see her with Shane. As if it would matter...
Back to the restaurant as Bette/Jodi are soooo gay. And Tasha is sooo
uncomfortable. Alice drops the military investigation bombshell to the
happy couple and royally pisses off Tasha, who excuses herself from the
table. Alice gives chase and she argues with Tasha. Tasha refuses to come
out of the closet for the sake of her profession.
We've secretly replaced Dana Fairbanks with a tall black woman in uniform.
Let's see if anyone notices.
Helena and Dusty talk about Dorothy Dandrige dying at a young age. Dusty
and Helena are both fans and apparently there's a poster of her on the
wall
that Dusty put up. Well, they have something in common.
Back to the nameless restaurant as Phyllis and Joyce have joined.
Alice/Tasha leave. Joyce spins things around about telling Phyllis about
how they need to, "spread the love," and see more people. I
take it
venereal diseases don't exist in this Universe.
Back to the reception where Jenzilla dances with the Boss Boss. Adele
The
Faithful Minion looks on as Jenzilla brings forth Hellfire, brimstone
and
sweetness. Tina feels disgusted and leaves.
Bette/Jodi have a discussion in sign language and it's translated for
the
hearing unimpaired. They agree to go to Jodi's and leave, with Bette then
offering Phyllis the same advice about Joyce that she offered Alice about
Phyllis back in Season 4, which is to break up with her again.
Reception again as Shane deals with Abigail and Gina wanting her and
Madison thanking Shane for being a friend.
Behind bars once again as Dusty has a nightmare. Maybe she's dreaming
about booking Crockett Promotions into the ground. No wait, wrong Dusty.
Helena wakes Dusty up from her nightmare and they start making out. Damn,
maybe Papi needs to get arrested. She could have a field day at this
place! It's revealed in the midst of all this that Dusty got in trouble
for tax fraud.
Finally, we have the reception where Shane is summoned by the mother.
Meanwhile, William is the Boss Boss and for him, Lez Girls is an attempt
at
personal redemption in life. Odd choice. Jenzilla offers Adele The
Faithful Minion the assistant job and they both celebrate. They then leave
to destroy Yokohama.
Shane is now with the mother and now Shane's about to literally become
a
bad motherf-
SHUT YO' MOUTH!!!
Just talkin' about SHANE!!!
The Mother wants Shane to take her somewhere she's never been. Abigail
and
Gina arrive and catch the mother with Shane the motherf-
SHUT YO' MOUTH!!!
Just talkin' about SHANE!!!
Shane runs off, her pants around her thighs and the three ladies chasing
after her. Shane hops into Jenzilla's vehicle and they run off into the
night, escaping the women and off to lay waste to Los Angeles. The
mother's name is Isabelle.
Okay, this ep was good for some laughs, but the undercurrent of Tasha's
storyline begins to roll along, setting the stage for what should be a
fireworks session of an angle. It's a mixture of melodrama and, "hey
let's
show just a bunch of boobies!" And of course there's nothin' wrong
with
that.
---
Discuss
the episode and share your thoughts on the rest of Season 5!
Guest Stars:
Cybill Shepherd
Jane Lynch
Lucia Rijker
Wallace Shaun
Malaya Rivera Drew
Music
1. Swing Out Elizabeth Ziff
2. Main Title BETTY
3. Gatecrasher Ping Pong Bitches
4. Long As You Love Me Shirley Brown
5. Prison Push Ups Elizabeth Ziff
6. When Tomorrow Comes The Emotions
7. Army Base Elizabeth Ziff
8. All Day Preaching Soul Children
9. Waltz From Coppeli
10. From Toys To Boys The Emotions
11. English Country Garden
12. Stasch Colman Hawkins
13. Shower Scene Margarett Garett
14. Spring vivaldi
15. Wedding March Procession
16. Kit Strut Elizabeth Ziff
17. Live Your Life Virginia Mayhew
18. Ojala Pink Martini
19. Je Veux Un Mec Adrienne P
20. Dorothy Dandridge Elizabeth Ziff
21. Toi Et Moi Jill Caplan
22. Baby Don't You Go The Miracles
23. Here And There Gina Catalino
24. Whatever Makes You Happy The Miracles
25. City Of Night Pink Martini
26. Soul Eyes Stan Getz
27. Shattered The Trucks
Previews
Episode 5.03: THE L WORD 503: "LADY OF THE LAKE"
NON-Spoiler Version
Shane swears off sex and reaps the health benefits with new energy and
focus; Tina's dating woes finally improve; Max ponders a mutual same-sex
attraction to Jodi's interpreter; The Planet is burglarized and Kit attacked
after hours.
SPOILER VERSION:
(below)
Synopsis: Her friends are skeptical when, in the wake of her recent drama
at a wedding reception, Shane swears off sex and embraces a healthier
lifestyle of exercise and meditation. Her new drive and mental agility
are hard to deny, however.
Max ponders a same-sex attraction to Jodi's cute, gay interpreter Tom,
who is clearly smitten. At first resistant, Max's resolve begins to crumble
under Tom's affectionate attention.
Jodi's annual lakeside retreat with a group of close lifelong friends
is a disaster thanks to an uptight and very boundary-conscious Bette,
who gets a reprieve of sorts when Kit is robbed by thieves at The Planet
– which is temporarily closed due to the incident.
Helena's mother finally turns up to bail her daughter out of jail, but
the inmate's got a surprise for everyone: she wants to stay with her new
cellmate and lover Dusty. When she's forcibly bailed out, Helena schemes
to recover the millions she stole, spring Dusty out of jail, and disappear
for good.
Tasha clashes with her longtime friend and colleague Beech, who is now
assigned against his will to defend her against the military's claim of
homosexual behavior. Despite the truth of the allegation, a distraught
Tasha is determined to fight the case despite being forced to lie and
preserve her cherished career.
After surfing the net for a date, Tina hooks up with a gorgeous, surgically
enhanced doctor whose unexpected interest in art collecting soon has them
bonding and more.
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