 Season
4 / Episode 3 ; Episode: "Lassoed"
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Episode
Summary
Kace Evers Episode Review Of Mass Destruction
#403: Lassoed
Lassoed provides a candidate for Moment Of The Year.
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Previously on The L Word, stuff happened including character introductions
of various sorts. Kit had her abortion. Shane started dealing with the
growing pains of having her little brother around. And Merkin means Vagina
Wig!
Showtime presents...Jenny in black/white. She yells, "Stacy,"
as opposed
to, "Stella." Too bad her name wasn't Wima.
We have the evolution of the opening credits montage continue on as now
someone's standing with her back to the camera in front of some unfinished
art construction. Meanwhile we have Papi turning around to face the camera
finally while her friend (she'll show up later) is still facing away from
the camera.
Bette checks out Juliet...er...Nadya's legs as they do whatever in the
office. Not that it matters. It's like the plotline to a porn flick.
Doesn't really matter what they're doing, y'know? Nadya wants to massage
Bette's shoulders to relieve stress, but Bette wants to kinda stay away
from that temptation. The results of the temptation involving other
members of faculty are discussed as Nadya explains, "It happens all
the
time." This crazy loooooooooove of mine...wraps around my
heart....ehhh...sorry, got that Poco song stuck in my head. Nadya makes
it
pretty obvious that Bette's gonna get...wait for it...LASSOED!!! I think
Joyce mighta been on to something.
Shane walks Shay to school in an effort to sign him up. Right away, we
get
the obligatory red tape. I remember going from school to school when I
was
a kid...almost all in different states and yeah, it was an annoying
process. Shane's able to reason with Mr. Peterson and Shane...kinda looks
like Joan Jett here. Anyway, she explains the situation to Mr. Peterson,
the Principal as Shay waits out in the lobby. Spaudling Square...ah, so
that's the name of that area that they live in.
On to Alice's apartment, where Jenny complains and it's apparently for
a
good reason this time which means Jenny gets to go off and it's all the
better. "Lesbians love to eat their own," says Alice. Must...resist...bad
joke! Jenny explains her experience as opposed to Stacy's girlfriend's
experience who turned out to be not-so-messed up like Jenny. Curve is
dismissed as a tiny magazine that apparently nobody reads. I'm sure the
Curve people really appreciate that pimping now. Jenny's gonna let it
go.
Uhhhh...yeah. Alice mentions meeting Papi and yes they got it on. Poor
Shane's had her legend downgraded. Papi's slutty outlook on life is
dismissed as, "that's just her." That's just someone being a
slut,
actually. Helena arrives and talks of the struggles of being either
underqualified or overqualified. Helena'll do anything that doesn't
involve sex or touching insects. So sex with insects is totally out.
Alice goes over the roommate rules. I bet that was a fun chat to have
with
Tina a couple of years ago. Bette calls in and it's brought up that Henry
and Tina are having a cocktail party. A mixer for gay and straight
friends? Well, I'd fit in either way.
Phyllis shows up as Bette wraps up the phone conversation with Alice
by
bringing up that the Planet's gonna have a wild time with a bunch of women
and stuff. So much for business talk as Phyllis is interested in checking
this out. I'm sure somewhere, Phyllis has a Diana Ross song cued up the
moment she officially comes out. Thursday's girl's night at the Planet.
I
thought every night was girl's night at the Planet! Tina calls up as
Phyllis exits and invites Bette to the cocktail party. Tina didn't know
whether or not to invite the woman that kidnapped her baby and Bette
somehow seems miffed as to why. Ah, crap there I go again... Tina's The
One We're Supposed To Hate...yes, master...yes, master! Waffles for the
Master!
*shakes head*
Anyway, Bette's not feeling up to it. 'Course it's hard to kidnap a child
when a bunch of people are standing around ready to pounce. Bette gets
defensive by going on the offensive as the Tina Bashers start cheering.
Tina's made quite a scene or two, apparently...not that it compares to
cheating around or running off with a baby. Then again, maybe you're one
of those types who likes to equate stuff like that with an overly dramatic
attitude, which is pretty much Tina's only flaw at this point. I'm right,
you're wrong, kneel before Zod. Bette doesn't wanna fight with Tina, which
is good 'cause in the land of common sense she would lose.
At the Planet as Cowgirl Night or whatever is setup. Dammit, where's
Dax??? She'd be PERFECT for this!!! Mindy and Rochelle are introduced
to
Angus who talks about getting a neat record deal.
Max, representing the Bloods works on a car as Shay watches. Shane Jett
walks in and asks Shay's if he's ready to go to Henry's for the party.
Shay's Spider Sense tingles as he knows he won't enjoy it. Max offers
to
let Shay just hang out with him instead. Max wasn't invited. Okay, now
we
have something to hate Tina on this episode. Oh yeah...we're not supposed
to like Max, either. Christ...
Onto the party where the stereotypical idiot straight people gaze on
at the
lesbians in the crowd. MIKEY!!!! Mikey's in the house and it's nice to
see they fixed his hair a little bit. Bette's in the house and we have
stereotypical straight people coffee house music playing in the background.
It's like The L Word Vs. a bad Friends ripoff. God...the
migraine...ahhhh!!!! Jenny arrives and oh, this could get ugly. Angus
is
here and really got the John Ritter vibe goin' here as he parties with
Kit.
Shane arrives and if this is Season 1, one of those straight girls takin'
a
walk on the wild side. I'm guessing Kelly, the brunette would be upstairs
with Season 1 Shane getting an education. But this is Season 4, so that
doesn't happen. Shane gives Helena a job as a receptionist at Wax. Well,
let's hope that works out.
The boring party progresses as Bette looks at a picture of Angelica.
The
notion of Angelica wanting to live with the father/donor/whatever is
brought up. I'm thinking Marcus is a little busy right now in the Land
Of
The Dead Marios, along with his girlfriend, Mark, Leigh, Robin, Carmen,
Lara
and all the other discarded figures of Seasons past. And now we have our
stereotypical perverted sraight guys moment. And people wonder how I've
been able to mask myself so well over the years. Brad, shut up, Brad,
shut
up, Brad, shut up!!! Brad's friend is the one who basically puts forth
the
standard template for all men in the closet, which is the whole, it's
okay
when women do it, but men doing it makes no sense. As I mentioned recently
at the message board, there is a logical explanation for that line of
thinking that doesn't include being in the closet. Might not be a popular
one, but it's there nonetheless. Angus talks about the whole, "dick
and
ass," thing. Angus goes into detail over the wonders of anal sex
and
becomes my hero. He's gone from Mangus To Butter Boy.
Kit and Butter Boy arrive as the Planet for Cowgirl Night. Phyllis
arrives. Where the fuck is Dax??? Am I the only person who thinks of
these things???
It's Lesbians Vs. Straights in a game of celebrity. Is it bad if I already
knew the answers to the lesbian ones before they were answered in this
scene? Please understand, not every straight person's heard of Kathleen
Hanna or Bikini Kill. "What's the riot grrl music scene?" Also,
please
understand that during the riot grrrrrrrrl music scene, most guys were
too
busy either listening to Nirvana or Metallica, while most other guys
wanting to be different listened to Green Day. Me? I listened to all that
and L7, too. Jenny has no idea who knows who Terrell Owens is. He's
referred to as the best receiver in football. Yep, that guy is definetly
a
confirmed dumbass now. The Desperate Housewives/Terrell Owens towel
incident from Monday Night Football is brought up and...no,no,no let's
not
go after Desperate Housewives here. Bigger fanbase and at the moment a
better chance of actually having new episodes in 2008. Bette and Shane
make their exits.
Back to the Planet as Alice, Helena and Bette all hang out.
*pause*
Bette and Helena hanging out and no Tina in sight. Let's just let that
sink in for a minute and ask yourself how a Belena FanFic just ain't
plausible now. Go on...you know you wanna.
*unpause*
We meet Papi, who is now on the verge of taking over new territory.
And now, arguably the Greatest Moment of Season 4... Shane arrives and
Papi knows of the legend...well, that's Season 1 Shane and things are
a
little different, but let's indulge in the moment, shall we? We get the
Western music as Shane and Papi meet face to face. Man, if this were
Season 1 this would be the Greatest Plot in the history of the show. Shane
Vs. Papi and the battle of playas. But this is Season 4 and Shane's pretty
much retired from the game. Papi goes for the kill, but Shane doesn't
even
know who Papi is. Papi refers to herself as Shane's competition and
Shane's unsure what that means. Shane declares Papi the winner and for
Papi it's a shallow victory. God, that's just so awesome on so many levels.
Jenny talks with someone about Some Of Her Parts anonymously and apparently
Jenny's book sucks.
The Group Of Friends hang out and Bette points out Phyllis and Bettes
gives
out the warning then invites Phyllis over. Season 1 Shane has Phyllis
enthralled and forces Papi to watch. But this is Season 4.
Meanwhile, Angus's band dumps Angus and Kit gets militant as Angus's
dream
goes down in flames. Kit righteously goes off on the boys and tells them
to leave.
Jenny joins the Group Of Friends as we get angst about Jenny's book.
Oh,
give it a rest ya whiny little so and so! We get what appears to be a
dig
at the critics here about not being able to always deal with 'em. Yes,
I
seem to remember a moment like this between Dana and Lara in Season 3
in
reference to the internet fans.
Angus is home and depressed as Kit walks in. Poor fella. He's gone from
being a potential father and rocker with a deal to nothing. I can see
why
he'd wanna be alone. Kinda weird, last year he was too young for Kit and
this year he's too old to rock. Remember that whole thing about Kit/Angus
being the only stable couple coming out of Season 3? I have a feeling
they're about to spite me as a result of pointing that out now.
Jenny's game of deception begins as she looks for Stacy's girlfriend
by
wanting Max to find her online, but not for the reasons Jenny is stating.
Max is pumping iron and hey, look...armpit hair! If it's good enough for
Ivan, it's good enough for Max.
More fun at Cowgirl Night and still no Dax s'far as I can tell. Phyllis
is
like a kid in a candy store here.
It's morning time now and Shane walks Shay to school. Such a proud lil'
moment here, I gotta say...especially when Shay smiles back at his older
sister before walking in.
Bette does her thing in class and Nadya does her thing and Phyllis watches.
The lecture about whatever ends and Phyllis brings up Alice to Bette.
Yellow Alert! Yellow Alert!
Helena begins her job at Wax and Shane tries to help her out. This is
trial by fire training here. Helena looks cute in the getup. She also
looks completely out of her zone.
Alice arrives with flowers to Bette's office. Bette gives off the alert
to
Alice and Alice thinks this is all nice. It's good to be wanted again.
Some people mourn the loss of the person they love more than life itself
for years. Nice to see Alice doesn't wait quite as long, though the Angry
Dana Fans may not like it.
Swimming Pool party at Max's boss's house and the Boss's Daughter arrives.
She looks really nice in the bikini. Butt shot.
Back to Wax and poor Helena. Some guy from Hugo Boss shows up to say
hi to
Shane and brings up meeting her at Cherie's party. He has a proposition.
Back to the pool party and this is like something out of Hetero Hell.
Brooke wants Max to dive in the pool, but Max doesn't have a penis and
doesn't feel like bein' exposed so he gets a little defensive.
We return to Wax where Shane holds up a pair of briefs. Dude wants her
to
be an underwear model, but Shane's not interested. I get the feeling he's
not used to that. Shay comes in from school.
Max apologizes to Brooke for being defensive and gives a bullshit
explanation about an ear infection. Brooke forgives him and they're crazy
about each other. I can see this is not gonna end well.
Phyllis's office as Bette's there and then Alice arrives. Alice is going
out with Phyllis to some lesbian sushi place. "Lesbian Sushi?"
Okay,
that's 2 bad jokes I could make out of something said in this episode.
WHY
MUST THEY TEMPT ME LIKE THIS??? Phyllis wants Bette to go out on a date
with someone. Gee, I wonder who she could find?
Helena's workday gets worse as stuff is spilled. Dude, just give her
a
managerial position or something. She does great when behind a desk and
supervising. Helena's let go from her job, but in a way that's
non-demeaning. That's because Shane's a great person.
Bette returns to her office and Nadya awaits. So when do we cue up the
bad
porn music? They exit the school and into the parking lot. Bette offers
Nadya a ride and it's almost as if Nadya's turning into a carpenter before
Bette's eyes.
In the car as Nadya basically becomes Candace Jewell here as Nadya goes
in
for the kill. Unlike back then, this comes with no cheating attached since
Bette's a free girl and all. Bette hits the brakes and proceeds to get
it
on with Nadya as we go to credits.
And that's that. Season 4 continues to get better as plots continue
to be
developed for the rest of the Season. The L Word is back, guys. Enjoy.
Discussion
Board -- What did you think of the episode??
Guest
Stars:
Carrie Colak .... Mindy
Steven Eckholdt .... Henry
Janina Gavankar .... Papi
April Telek .... Nell
Brittany-Ellen Willacy
Olivia Windbiel .... Angelica Kennard
Music
A big thanks to EzGirl and Howard Parr, the Season 4 Music Editor!
Visit EzGirl at www.myspace.com/ezgirlmusic
1 Recap-- ezgirl
2 Random Act-- ezgirl
3 Main Title-- BETTY
4 Nadia Exits-- ezgirl
5 Alice-- Yael and the PalmTrees
6 Phyllis Wants To Go-- ezgirl
7 Money Trouble-- Annie Hayden
8 Our Lov3-- Rhett Miller
9 Hey Kids-- David Usher
10 Secret Love-- Kathy Kirby
11 Shake a Leg-- Margaret Lewis
12 La Resi Dei Conti a/k/a Sixty Seconds to What--Ennio Morricone
13 Shake a Leg-- Margaret Lewis
14 Reconsider Me-- Margaret Lewis
15 Angus Pull out-- ezgirl
16 Ooh La La-- Goldfrapp
17 Phylis Inquires-- ezgirl
18 Limozine-- RTX
19 Sugar and Spring-- Edible Red
20 Max Sweating -- ezgirl
21 Sugar and Spring-- Edible Red
22 Phyllis and Alice on a Date-- ezgirl
23 Never Learn To Cry-- The Rogers Sisters
24 Walking Away-- ezgirl
25 Complicated (END SONG)-- The Cliks
Previews
of Episode 4.04, Layup
NON-Spoiler Version
In episode 404, Bette deals with an artist (Marlee Matlin) whose work
is politically incendiary, and fears the potential for disaster in the
relationship between Phyllis and Alice; Tina is rejected by her friends
at a softball game and joins the opposing team.
Directed By: Jessica Sharzer
Written By: Elizabeth Ziff
SPOILER VERSION:
Totally smitten with her newfound sexuality, Bette's scared of the fallout
between Alice and Phyllis if things don't go exactly Phyllis' way.
Jenny grows duplicitious when trying to get revenge on Stacey and resorts
to enlisting a dying dog in order to meet Stacey's girlfriend, a veterinarian.
Bette's first business with artist-in-residence Jodi Lerner (Marlee Matlin)
is asking her to hide a sculpture from an important donor who's ultra-conservative
but Jodi's politics can't be suppressed as Bette quickly finds out.
Max tells Brooke about his transition. Brook totally freaks otu and storms
out of a restaurant.
Papi calls out the girls to a basketball game for West Hollywood rights.
But before the girls are completely annihilated, they give it all they
got.
Shay falls off his skateboard and breaks his arm. With no medical insurance,
Shane is forced to model men's underwear for a Hugo Boss campaign.
Shane reluctantly goes to "back to school" night and finds
a friendly face in Paige (Kristanna Lokken), a single mom whose son has
become Shay's best friend.
Tina comes out to support the girls against Papi, but after Jenny and
Bette reject her as a lesbian, Tina crosses sides and joins Papi's team.
Phyllis decides to throw a big fundraising bash at her house and hires
Helena as the caterer.
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